Nightmares

I really hate today.  I was having a lot of anxiety last night and couldn't relax.  I finally fell asleep for three hours but I woke up having a nightmare that my ex-step father had come into my room and was trying to rape me again.  I don't have my dog anymore because I had to give him away when I got my foster parents and I was trying to find him to protect me and he wasn't there.  I couldn't find the light and got confused because I wasn't in my old bedroom (That used to happen a lot when I first came to live there and my foster dad got me a little light to use but I thought I was past needing it.  :( ) so I started crying and trying to get out in a panic.  My foster parents came in to check on me and turned the light on and my foster mum got me calmed down after a long time.  She kept trying to tell me how it wasn't strange and I wasn't a freak which just made me feel more strange and more like a freak.  When I finally got calmed down enough to stop feeling like a complete lunatic I got my computer and started to write to my exboyfriend.  I got as far as going to Facebook and trying to remember what my login was before I realized that we hadn't talked in a month and that he hadn't cared in longer than that (if ever).  I tried to think and realized that I only have two friends in my whole life and one of them is here that I can't talk to about this kind of thing because her family has always worked and she doesn't understand and my friend in America who I can't talk about this kind of thing because he has problems of his own to deal with and can't listen to it.  I haven't felt this alone since I was living with my mum and HIM and I couldn't tell anybody anything.  I hate this.  I hate being such a freak.  This is never going to wash away or get better.  I don't know what to do anymore.