Today I'm feeling pretty ok.  I haven't felt ok since December, but today isn't bad.  My foster mum is really helping me a lot.  She somehow helps me to get my head figured out when all I can hear is noise just by asking a few questions.  I know that I've only known her for a short time but I really love her.  A few weeks ago I felt like I wasn't gonna be able to live anymore but today I suddenly feel ok.  I still miss him so much but today I can think about the good times.  I think part of it is because my best friend actually asked around to get my e-mail and contacted me.  It felt really good to know that he missed me enough to do it.  It's suddenly like old times talking to him again.  I wish that my boy had done the same but I guess he really doesn't wanna talk to me.  That's gonna have to be ok.  I can't change his heart.  I can only change mine.